i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
