im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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