i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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