is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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