I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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