the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
