Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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