I can't watch pbs sober anymore
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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