I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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