I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
