yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
