Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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