you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
