He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
