the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
