I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
