Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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