we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
