Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
