no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
