dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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