My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
