I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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