just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
