I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
