I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
