I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
so let's talk penis.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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