Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
