you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
