When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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