So drunk its hurt
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
