He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
