Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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