Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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