hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
