You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
