She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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