I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
