So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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