We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
