soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
