Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
