Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's rum buckets o'clock
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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