this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
