I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
