if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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