my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
