When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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