the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
