he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
