Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
