i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
