ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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