But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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