She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
