Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
